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| Aloysius versus Shawn |
I wasn't even following the updates when the news first broke about the actor getting injured. It was when some of the local celebs that I followed on IG started to flood their walls with Aloy's critical situation before I kinda got into it. So when news of him passing away reached SG, I saw that his "secret" girlfriend came out and started to share their love & memories. That was when it really got into me. I was feeling super sad that a young fine man with a seemingly bright future had his life taken away from him. I was reading up on him and couldn't really concentrate at work.
I got affected that why did such a thing happen, trying to imagine how I would have felt if put into such a situation. Earlier last year, a friend's boyfriend also passed away when he was kite surfing away in Indon. It was so hard to comprehend how life is so fragile and how much shock, grief, hurt, hate the loved ones would have to go through.
I've always been super scared of death and will have anxieties just thinking about it. It started when I was in primary school and I watched a scene of local actress Ivy Lee lying in the coffin. After that show, I went to bed and starting imagining how it would be like when I'm dead, when I don't know anymore things in the world, when I "suffocate" in the coffin, when worms start to feed on my flesh, when everyone I've known will start to forget who I am, etc. Those thoughts brought me to tears before I started to get angry! Angry at the fact that whatever divine powers brought me to the world and will eventually take away my life. Why do I have to be born into the world when I have to die eventually? I will cease to exist and nobody will even know/remember me! I love life! I love how I get to acquire knowledge, how I have so many friends and family who loved me, how I enjoyed food, etc. I've always thought that I was a super fortunate person. I've never been subjected to anything extremely bad and have always lead a sheltered life (quoted from Kyo).
Born as the last brat child in a lower - middle income family in SINGAPORE (one of the best place in the world), my parents have never starved me. I wasn't enjoying a luxurious life and I do envy some people but honestly, I never cultivated the idea of saving because I was not restricted when I spend money. Little known fact about me, I did steal money from my parents when I was in my teens. I splurged those money on taxi rides to school, useless accessories and expensive meals. Thankfully my dad caught me one day and that woke me up from this stupid spendthrift lifestyle. Today, I don't splurge like before, but I'm still spending comfortably. Anyway, to be born in SG meant that I would already have access to many things that people in third world countries cannot dream of, such as safe drinking water, education, security, etc. I didn't grow up in sickness like some unfortunate kids. I had many friends in school (maybe not friends but people hang around me and at least I wasn't ostracized or something). My results were above average to qualify for decent schools.I didn't have to work for a living till I graduated from school completely. I had boyfriends, except one, who adored me even when I was being bratty. So in general, a smooth sailing life I guess.
So when I start to imagine how I would be robbed of all these, it pained me terribly. I am scared & terrified of what death does to one. Is there really after life existence? Do people get reincarnated or people just stop existing after death? Do you still have memories of your life or it's just a void? I guess no way to find out until it's time. So take time to live out your life, appreciate your loved ones and take time to just be grateful for everything that happened. Don't wait till it's too late to show your ❤!
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