Sigh, I'm not exactly in the best of moods though I really figure out why. Maybe I'm having PMS. My boss has asked me to think about it and consider staying for another month or so. I said I'll give him the reply tomorrow. Sigh what am I to say?

After the Bangkok trip, I really feel like travelling again. I dunno where but I guess anywhere is fine. I just need to unwind!!!~

Life's now sooo different. R is now so short-tempered. Kept screaming at N for the slightest things. I think she thinks that we can't live without her and we'll all die when she's gone. Why do people always think this way? The earth's not going to stop spinning because of 1 person.
AnywayHR & my FOM had spoken to me. They want me to stay longer. I was almost going to give in till C said that it's embarrassing to take back once the letter is given. Hence I'm only gonna stay if they give me a job that yearns at least 2 grand per month. Anything less than that, I'm a goner.
Anyway they already dun wanna approve my annual leave, so I'm not gonna give in.

Let the Reason be Love...
Sometimes we are blind to see the goodness of our spouses and deaf to hear their kind words for us.
My husband is an engineer by profession; I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I was getting tired of it. The reasons of my loving him before, had now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability to bring romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.
"Why?" he asked, shocked.
"I am tired, there are not reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night, seemed to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?
And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"
Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess I had started losing faith in him.
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind. Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"
He said "I will give you your answer tomorrow...."
My hopes just sank by listening to his response.I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his sketchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that said "My dear, I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..."
This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading."When you use the computer you always mess up the software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.
You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.
You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.
You always stare at! the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs.So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die."
My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... as I continued reading..."Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk..."
I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread!
Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone!

That's life and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form. Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life.

Love, not words, win arguments

Everyone has been asking me how's my trip to Thailand. It's bad people!!! I went there in hope that I can celebrate my birthday happily, but my beau kept making mistakes to spoilt the trip. I did buy a lot of things but the trip wasn't as good as I hope it would be.

A lot of things have changed since I came back. I tendered my resignation, I broke up with my beau...
I was badly hurt by him. I thought he had loved me more than I do and that if we ever break up one day, I would be fine with that. I was wrong. He told me that he slept with L months before we got together. Not much of a big deal but considering L is my friend and she's married, I think you would know how I felt. I thought I could take it and just wanted to tell someone about it. Later on that day, I found out from friends that they've known this all along and even more things about him. They knew all the nitty gritty details of us when I've never even told anyone about. I knew that he lied. I mean it's an ego thing. He lied that I went after him even though I was attached. I was the one who gave him the chase. He boasted to everyone how I gave up everything for him, which I can only say I was just plain silly. It was an ego boost to him that he managed to get a girl who is attached in an extremely long term relationship to sacrifice so much. I couldn't believe it at first that he's part of the circle, but putting all the pieces together, I realised that it was true. I was just part of his cruel game. I was his trophy!

I couldn't sleep nor eat after I broke up and I constantly cried at work. I just couldn't believe that someone that I had loved soo much would do this to me. It felt as if someone had stabbed me in my heart many many times. I tendered my resignation the second day I got back to work. I couldn't bring myself to face him anymore.

I know I'm useless cos I still think of him and the happy memories we had. My friends had told me I deserved better. They all didn't exactly like him in the first place but just accomodated to me. Even my mum said it's better for me to break up with him. She said all my relatives didn't think we would last anyway. I was so silly. I thought I would eventually get married to him and have kids with him. All of that will not come true definitely.

I may look okay on the outside now, but I'm still nursing that deep incision. My friend told me that if I imagine him fucking other girls, I would forget him more easily since I really love him. I did... but I can't forget him. I even secretly told myself that if he came and confessed to me everything but promised that he'll never do it again cos' he really really loved me, I would forgive him. He never did.

My feelings are now exactly how my blog puts it. My love for you has sink to the bottom of the ocean.

I guess the best way to forget about him is to go into a new environment. That way, I might not be reminded of him sooo much. I hope the day will come when I can stand up and proclaim that I'm a better person without him!