Thou Shall not Commit this again

Interestingly, even after 37 years, I still cannot learn my lesson. The world doesn't revolve around one person. Nobody is obliged to be there for you. You may have a few confidants that you wish to tell your entire life story to, but have you thought about whether they would like to involved? Is it a burden to them to listen to you?

Today a close friend asked me why I am complaining about my life to everyone around me? Personal stuff should be kept within very close friends, and not to whoever I meet up with. I was taken aback and hurt by her words. Yes I may have shared things that are happening in my life with quite a lot of people, but these are people whom I really trust. The reason why I share is because I'm at a crossroad and I wish to get some kind of advice from friends, offering me different perspectives and views. I may be a attention seeker to some extent (you can tell from the fact that I blog), but I wasn't trying to seek assurance nor justifications to my actions. I genuinely wanted advice because I'm uncertain and worry that I may make the wrong decision. It's not like I loved to wash my dirty linen in public to support my decisions or belittle my partner and gather people to stand on my side instead of his.

Tears started to form and I can't help but cried a little. Why did she have such a bad impression of my actions? How could a friend think so lowly of me? I've placed so much trust in her and yet she feels that way about me. But after the initial disappointment, I start to think perhaps I'm been too imposing on her that she is starting to feel otherwise about me. I've been pouring out my life to her every single day but is that something that she has interest in? I mean everyone has their own life priorities, like she has her kids. Why does she have to listen to my mid-life crisis problems? Is it boring/burdensome to her with me, on top on her work & life? And why do I have to care so much about what she said? Why do I have to feel so hurt and disappointed with her words?

Kyo once said that there's this huge problem with me. I tend to treat everyone as friends and value them too much, sometimes even over family and partner. I tend to be easily affected by these friends and am constantly trying to fit in or seek their approval. True enough, it happened again today. I've invested too much emotions on people whom do not value me as much as I do. I know it cannot be a balanced equation, but I need to love myself more instead of trying to please everyone. Don't value friends over myself anymore!

Love yourself so that you know what you deserve!