雪人の宅

I thought I'm okay with things. I didn't even shed any tear when I broke up with HIM that day & even when HE was sobbing terribly in front of me. But somehow after HE gave me the ultimatum, to choose between HIM or the new guy, I feel so lost & depressed now. Surprisely I felt terrible last night, & I could only tell myslef that I love the new guy more. I just cling on. I thought I knew what I was doing until HE called me @ work today. I just cried uncontrollably. I thought I was strong but the realisation that things are not gonna be the same again just stuck me like lightning.

I really wondered if what HE said is true, am I just crying for myself that I've lost HIM as a safety net or am I truly sad about the cessation of a 5-year long relationship. I re-read HIS letter again. I just felt so silly. I could have gotten married next year. I convinced myself that I no longer have the desire to get married but I was just devastated that it's no longer possible.

I'm so lost & helpless now. I dun even feel excited when he calls me a while earlier. I still think he's sweet & stuff but am I really in love???

I'm such a loser!!!