Am I too hung up over the past?

So Kyochi said that I've been too hung up over the past to better my future, to make sure I go after my dreams and to make things right. The dreams you conjured up when you were young, how many us have achieved them? Along the way, things happened. You made bad decisions, environments changed and lots of uncontrollable factors will result in you deviating from the path. But how many of us can navigate our way back on track? The realities of life sometimes don't allow you to reroute like a GPS. Time is lost, people moved on, things changed. When that happens, YOU will have to decide. Do you wanna following the flow and go where life brings you? Or do you want to make extra effort to steer back onto the original course? Is the predetermined destination important enough or you don't mind ending up at another place? 

I guess I chose the easy route. Less effort and less time wastage. PRIDE is also a big factor. I convinced myself not regret anything because I'm too proud to admit I've made bad decisions, especially one that have been opposed but I still went ahead. That stubborn pride in me doesn't allow me to admit to my mistakes, especially after I went against all odds to to prove my point. How could I let anyone have the last laugh and tell me, "See? I told you so." 

So yes I've made terrible decisions in life and I will have to bear the consequences. Some are manageable but some have scarred me. And it's probably very true that I didn't make that effort to steer back on course. Now that I'm already in my late thirties, some of these dreams will never be realised due to timelines. For example, I've always wanted to be an air stewardess, to travel and see the world. Nope, didn't achieve that cos I didn't put in effort for extra grooming, upkeep and whatsoever. Now it's too late to even dream about entering any carriers. Wanted to get married before 30, but it didn't happen cos of the bad relationships I've been in. Only got married at the age of 33. Had wanted to work overseas but fearful of the financial repercussions, I didn't try to work for it. No chance to even enroll myself in the Work and Holiday visa that Australia offers because I was too old to qualify by the time I knew about it. And DarHub was not in favour of it at all when we have bills to pay. Having 2 kids have also always been in my agenda but till today, we cannot come to an agreement on having children. 

So has life been treating me badly or I've not worked hard for it? Why do I deserve to get these dreams when I've not been putting in efforts? To be born in a place like Singapore has already been a blessing and yet I just expect to breeze through life. 

He was right. Why don't I re-look at my life and re-align my dreams and expectation? Just because he has done his part in building that dream we once had, it doesn't mean that I have any part in it. My resentment in my current life could be the fact that I saw traces of my dream in his real life. It was meant to be something that I desired and had conceived of, but I'm super off track now. Rethink about what I want in life. Reconstruct a new dream if I had to. Make sure it's realistic and achievable. No point in getting envious and jealous over things that do not belong to me. Instead go and earn mine. No one can take those away from me because I own them. Don't settle for less. Life is just too short to be compromising.