It's pretty scary. HE told me that HE's been referred to a specialist by a GP. I probed further & HE said that HE's going to see a psycharist. Man, what have I done to him? I really dunno what to do. Part of me feels extremely guilty but the other part of me knows that I've already fallen for another man. I've thought through it myself. Some people may see me as a slut but personally I just can't bring myself to love 2 persons at the same time. Hence the moment I've decided on him, I have to give up HIM. That's as simple as that. I just can't have 2 persons in my heart.

I know I've fallen deeply in love with him. HE kept telling me that he's not for me and that eventually I'll be extremely hurt. HE says that I'm psychoing myself that he's the one for me. HE may be right, but right now, I just wanna spend all my time with him. I feel so delighted when I see him, even a glimpse will brighten up my day instantly. That's how I feel now. I may really be hurt & regret in the future but right now, I just wanna follow my gut feelings. I love him.

It's been 2 days since HE called. I felt a bit lost & empty. Wonder if I should feel this way since I broke up with HIM and I was the one who chided HIM for not giving me some personal space.
Played mahjong with him, Alicia & Eric last night. They came over to his house. I felt that I'm really dating a young boy with the comments he said. Alicia was like," So he entertains you like this all the time?" Darn...
I really dunno if I truly love him but I do feel very happy with him. I sort of "psycho" myself into believing that he's the one. I may just regret it weeks later. WHo knows???
I thought of how to test my love for HIM. Maybe I should go out with HIM for a day & see if we can truly enjoy ourselves.

Feeling very lost.

I thought I'm okay with things. I didn't even shed any tear when I broke up with HIM that day & even when HE was sobbing terribly in front of me. But somehow after HE gave me the ultimatum, to choose between HIM or the new guy, I feel so lost & depressed now. Surprisely I felt terrible last night, & I could only tell myslef that I love the new guy more. I just cling on. I thought I knew what I was doing until HE called me @ work today. I just cried uncontrollably. I thought I was strong but the realisation that things are not gonna be the same again just stuck me like lightning.

I really wondered if what HE said is true, am I just crying for myself that I've lost HIM as a safety net or am I truly sad about the cessation of a 5-year long relationship. I re-read HIS letter again. I just felt so silly. I could have gotten married next year. I convinced myself that I no longer have the desire to get married but I was just devastated that it's no longer possible.

I'm so lost & helpless now. I dun even feel excited when he calls me a while earlier. I still think he's sweet & stuff but am I really in love???

I'm such a loser!!!

I've made one of the major decisions in my life. I'm not sure if this is correct but I've broke off with the man of my life. Many people are probably expecting it but I somehow still feel remorseful about how the whole thing turned out to be. Many things are runnning through my mind now.
Till today, I still felt that my decision was correct. But today I began to have doubts. At least 2 persons have been telling me that I may not be suitable for a new relationship. I need to reconsider it then. Am I correct in thinking that it's okay to hang out with a younger guy? People tell me he's naive & innocent, so does that equates me to be a scheming and complicated person? Am I gonna do harm to him if I hang around with him. Then again, I realised that I'm not the only one he has went after. Why is it that all the guys around me seem to go after anyone & everyone? Do they just grab any girl they see?
I'm so confused. Is my decision correct????

I dunno what's wrong with me. Why do I always make people fall in love with me head over heels? I'm not someone who would like to boast about such things and this is in fact driving me crazy. What the hell am I doing?
Am I really going to give up Kyo? I'm such a bitch!!! What's wrong with me? I'm hanging around another guy now!!! I'm so confused and I dun even know what sort of feelings and emotions I have towards them. What shit is this?
Help can someone provide me with the answer?!!?